Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
