I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
