Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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