i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I need to calm my uterus...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize