I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
