Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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