Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
