I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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