So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
