So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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