i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize