White coat. Heels.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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