one word: firstdatebathroomanal
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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