guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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