I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
