they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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