Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
