You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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