Your tits are I can't wait for
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
