i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
