i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
