I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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