What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
