Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Found your dick twin last night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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