he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize