Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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