I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
