We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
