This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
