if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
