he shaved USA in his pubs
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
PANTIES FOUND
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