we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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