member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
