think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
