Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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