somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
