FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So many bounce houses so little time
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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