My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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