If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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