Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
