I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
