Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
