we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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