i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
