Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
