I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
