So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
