4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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