I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
