I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
