We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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