In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
