Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
