Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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