plz talk dirty to me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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