woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
