apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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