Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
