I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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