We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
