i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
