she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My vagina is officially offended.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
