She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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