good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Randomize
