I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They have beer where we have blood.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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