I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
