My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
