Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
