I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
